How To Get Engaged (To a Quality Man)

    hello's on today's episode I'm going to be sharing with you how you can get engaged to an amazing man so stick with me hello this is Vern welcome to your great life to be calm a space where I share with ambitious conscious heart centered and successful women how you can create the relationship of your dreams that attract the kind of quality man that you want ask that I right result of stepping to the most alive and most feminine version of you without the need for gimmicks manipulations or crazy tricks now if you have been on the path of dating guys and you haven't gotten what you want if maybe on month number five you think things are going great and all of a sudden he pulls the wrong four rug from under you and says I'm out or I can't go forward or right it's different than what I thought and you're disappointed heartbroken I'm gonna share with you a couple of different things you can do that are simple not easy but simple that can get you on the right path of finding that engagement which leads to a wedding which leaves with a life with an amazing human being first I'm gonna discuss with you three reasons why this doesn't happen sometimes and I've had many conversations with women and by many a I mean thousands of conversations with women from all over the world who tell me the situation and it ends up being that there wasn't enough clarity and specificity early on regarding two things the kind of relationship that the man wants and the timeframe that the man is willing to step into to get this thing going meaning maybe the guy never wants commitment he just wants to feel good without having to step into that additional responsibility maybe he does want responsibility of that kind but he wants it in five years and he wanted in one year and that was never really discussed out of fear of pushing him away out of fear of him disappearing you'll never clear and off of them and lo and behold you find out at some point something that makes you do a triple take and say are you kidding me why didn't you share this earlier and the reason he didn't share earlier because you didn't ask it earlier so that's one reason why this doesn't happen second reason why this is a nap times Oh while you might be thinking you're on my path and then things change almost on a dime is because you may have felt that things were an ideal and by ideal I mean sustainable for a long long long term marriage but because you felt this feeling of scarcity where you feel like well if I let go of him who's gonna show up it might be years before I find someone where I feel this level of chemistry then you didn't go get as clear as you needed to with him out of fear of this not happening for you so it's not maybe a huge surprise for you when it doesn't happen but it's still disappointing as hell third one is there wasn't enough groundedness or enough passion or a combination of both here's what I mean sometimes there's a lot of passion a lot of chemistry but not enough sustainability to make this thing last sometimes there is a lot of groundedness but there's not a lot of passion which means the guy doesn't have the punch in the stomach he needs to take the plunge and say yes I'm gonna move forward and neither do you so this is I'm giving you high level things that happen that prevent women from finding love the reason why I'm sharing this with you right now is because I want you to understand something because of the way biology works in human beings and because you may have this thing inside of you where you want to create a family and you want to not just find a guy but you want to have children at some point if you if you don't have children right now you have a limited amount of time to make this thing happen unlike a man and I'm not just saying that this is fair or not further it's just the way things work who theoretically can get someone pregnant when he's 90 you don't have the same benefit so you have to get your stuff together before he does and sometimes that's the cause for a guy to feel like he can go on forever why you feel like this needs to happen right now so I just want you to keep that in the background because if a guy doesn't feel some sense of urgency to move things forward you're really wasting your time with him so here's a formula for a guy feeling like he the only thing he can do is to commit and to get married to you it's high value in you plus strong boundaries in terms of what it is that you want what it is you don't want what are you willing to experience or not experience plus demand from the world that they're realistic knowledge that someone else will wand you will take you away from him if he doesn't get his together equals this feeling where a guy says I can't afford to lose her this is a reality like at least her and the fear of the commitment that I have to step into right now is lower than the fear of never being able to be with her again that's ultimately what a guy goes through what he says I'm gonna do this right step number one is now the second part of this video which is how do you actually pull it off the first thing I'll share with you right now without a doubt that will create more openings and more possibilities and more options for you than anything else you could do is to be the light be the light means that you create the type of life that you want the type of movement you want the type of confidence you need and the type of aliveness and passion in your own life so that you can enter a room and fill it up with your light why because the more you're able to do this the more options you'll have the more you'll be able to connect with men and have more of a pool of guys to choose from it doesn't mean that all the guys will be options for you because some of them might be want different things but you will be able to pick versus saying well it's only one option it's the him or no one okay so that's the first thing that you need to cultivate being the light means connecting to your femininity and openness in such a way that guys feel more drawn to connect with you to ask you out and to take it to the next step second be open to more men what does that mean a lot of women connect with a guy they feel strong chemistry with him and then they make him that the facto boyfriend without the guy showing that he has what it takes to be a real boyfriend so that means that they start connecting they feel strong chemistry maybe they have sex early on or they get really passionate and then he doesn't want to date anyone she doesn't want date anyone but it's right now it's a Russian rule a type of risk why because you don't know that he is who says he is he hasn't taken specific sustainable actions to show you that he really wants commitment vs. Jewish wants to fulfill his level of passion without actually being willing to do what it takes to go all the way so that's the second one being open to meet more men do not become exclusive until and unless you've traveled certain paths with him and both of you have proven yourself to each other and you know that the risk is worth taking there's always a risk but there's a gigantic risk and there's a smaller risk take the smaller risk when possible number three be willing to ask powerful questions without fear why cuz you'd rather rather non-date number one this isn't gonna work out then to fear she's gonna run away if you ask him a powerful question and then date number 320 write a couple of years later realized oh my god he never wants to eat us I want children and that's a showstopper for you or he wants to leave with me without ever getting married let's just suffer for you or he wants to get married in seven years and yeah that doesn't work for you ask powerful questions early on either without fear with more fear of wasting your time than finding out sooner number four be clear Boco expressive and have a none fuckery sense of expressing what's your finish line why because if what it whatever it is that you're looking for he needs to know and I'm not you're not saying you have to be the guy who fulfills this you have to be the one who crosses this finish line but if he doesn't know what your intentions are if he doesn't know what your ultimate looking for there's a high likelihood that he could conveniently not ask you and then find out both of you that you've wasted each other's time so as much as you're willing to ask him questions you also need to say here's ideally what I'm looking for in a relationship and being willing to share your timeline as well number four focus on developing friendships first what does that mean it doesn't mean that you don't experience passion it just means that if you focus on passion first and there's a likelihood that you could take it all the way passion wise and never get the sense to develop the foundation that your house needs to not be blown away like the three little pigs when somebody comes and blows on it right you need to develop the friendship first component so that you're able to Connect values wise to go through different situations together and to understand what it is that he wants out of his life and what makes him tick and what his blueprint of love is and what his blueprint of the world is and then decide is this something that I want for the rest of my life or not there's always gonna be good and bad things but if you fundamentally have more bad things and good things and it's a no for you right if you connect with passion first your heart and your badge my dear sorry to be so blunt are going to trick you into saying you know what go for it's gonna be worth it and it may not be worth it you might be wasting your time tremendously so please be willing to develop that friendship first now having said this you need to incrementally step-by-step develop passion passion lean sexual tension passion means holding hands passion means kissing pleasure means making out at some point it becomes sex but be willing to be very gradual in your process as you go along because again if you take three steps forward without going through steps one and two then you're going to create this false sense of connection without having what it takes to meet it so be willing to have this combination gradual passion versus instant hundred miles an hour in two seconds passion now the next one is be willing to set boundaries throughout the process even the highest boundary which is being willing to walk away why I've had so many conversations with clients of mine where guys were not showing up strong and what they have to do was come to a point where they said I love you and you're an amazing man and I love myself first and foremost so because we're wanting different things I have to with all the pain in my heart be willing to let go of you so thank you for being in my life if this ever changes for you reach back to me if it doesn't please let me heal right now and lo and behold a couple of days later or a week later or a month later the GAT and I all of a sudden gets the testicular fortitude you needed to move forward because he knew that that was probably his last attempt his last chance of actually getting this woman and he moves on and has great aura he disqualifies himself but in any case you're willing to sacrifice a relationship that's not going where it needs to be as much as there's love and connection and passion there to actually get the life that you want which includes all those things plus maybe the marriage that you want or or the children or the timeframe where you can have both of them okay last at the same forum say yes and I know that it seems like such a O'Byrne why you even saying that because you're gonna get afraid as well why cuz you're also saying yes to one guy for the rest of your life if everything works well so being willing to say that it doesn't mean that there's no other potential partners for you doesn't mean that there's not somebody else who could fulfill the role it just means that you're having to cut out all the possibilities for growing as the deep as you can with one human being and leave the kind of life and legacy that few people dare to experience in the deepest level hope this is helpful insightful useful to you in some way if it is I'm gonna ask you to do three things number one click like or thumbs up on this video number two subscribe to my channel and click the little bell if you want to be notified of new episodes as they come out number three most important of all if you want to take a master class that I created for free that shows you how to deepen the knowledge that you experience right now then first link under the script on this video you'll find a place that you click on enter your name and email and then you'll be immediately redirected to the spring master class if you want my hand-holding and help second link go to description this video will allow you to apply to work with me thank you so much for connecting with me and us always say challenge you really fool any conscious life you