Why He Doesn't Understand You



     hello welcome to another edition of burn Mendes calm space where I share with ambitious conscious heart centered and successful women how to attract the kind of man you want and step into the best relationship of your life so far through being the most alive the most feminine and the most conscious version of you now I hear from many women around the world who have problems having the men they're into or the men who are into them or both understand them really get a chance to feel and emotionally understand what they're going through so that new actions can be taken level of feeling and being seen can take place now if you are this person if you're this woman you are with a man who doesn't seem to get it you have conversations you have arguments you have you express certain things and he still doesn't get it and the actions that you're intending to take place don't take place I'm gonna give you four steps in order of chronological order and how they can happen so you can a change your behavior and if it's not your behavior understand that maybe it's him but don't discount the fact that it may not be him at the beginning so I'm gonna give you an analogy so make sure that you understand this so I'm gonna talk about stage number one at stage number one the man you're interested in or who's interested in you doesn't get you doesn't understand you because you are not understanding specifically what you're feeling and what you want in this example imagine you go to a party with a guy who's dating you and in that party you feel weird you feel maybe not seeing as much maybe you're not sure what it was but by the time you leave the party you have a feeling of being hurt and you don't understand what it is so this is important because if you don't understand how you're feeling and all he gets from you is like she's acting weird maybe she's hurt maybe she's upset maybe something else is happening it has nothing to do with me but you don't feel it you don't understand you don't bring to his attention there is no way he can change that so that would be for him to change he would have to be the mind reader in the planet and most men you probably have realized by now are not that so stage number two stage number two of the development of why a guy may not understand you is imagine that you understand more of what's going in right now what's taking place but you don't feel able or don't feel courageous enough or don't feel safe enough to express it to him so stage number two is on that same party instead of you feeling something happened you understand exactly what happened you saw him flirting with two women who are not you in a way that you felt disrespectful but you feel if you were to talk to him about it he feel you're needy or he feel that you're weird or he feel like you're putting pressure on him so you don't bring it up but unlike the first example where you feel weird don't know what's happening here you understand it you just can't express it yet so that's stage number two stage number three of why he may not be understanding you is imagine that you have the clarity of what's going on and you want to express it to him but when you express it to him you talk in in directs you talk in nuance you talk in hints you said a little trick for him or maybe a test instead of saying I am upset with you you act upset and you hope that if you had upset he's gonna ask you what's going on but if he doesn't ask you what's going on then you feel even more upset because he didn't recognize and read that you were sad so it's a vicious cycle so again recap Stage three is where you are expressing yourself in a way that is not optimal for him to understand you same party you know upset you're driving back home and here's where you could from the bottom of your heart say hey I know right we're not boyfriend/girlfriend I just want to share something that happened tonight that made me feel a little weird is that okay and he says sure it's okay well when I arrived to the party and I went to the bathroom when I came back I saw you flirting in a way that seemed more it's excessive with a couple of women and I felt weird I felt like slightly disrespected so I'm not trying to put any prayer you I'm not trying to say that you're wrong for doing and I'm just sharing with you that it hurt me and that that's not the kind of thing I want to experience in the future so that's something that's part of what you are feel free to continue it's just not gonna be with me tell me what you think so you're not coming from a place of accusing him making him wrong things saying he's an a-hole you're saying here's how I feel here's what took place please share with me if you see it different differently okay so that's level that would be a good way to express it but imagine that instead of saying that on the way back you share something with him like a joke and the joke would be something like yeah it's I'm happy to see that you found a new girlfriend so that would be like a passive-aggressive way of diverting attention for what's important not being clear courageous and vulnerable enough to see what you mean and keep potentially not treating you with a level of respect or consciousness that you need two different ways of expressing something so here's the fourth stage okay fourth stage means that you are someone who understands what's going on you are able to tell it to yourself you're able to say it to him and not to say it to him say to him in a way that's powerful like the example I gave you now if you're doing the steps and the man still doesn't get it he doesn't understand it he doesn't want to change his behavior then the reason why he may not understand you is because he's the wrong man for you but notice what I'm doing right now rather than saying if the guy doesn't get you he's wrong for you I'm actually putting the responsibility within you to understand if you're clearly vulnerably and powerfully expressing your needs giving him a chance to respond and only when he can't respond then understand that it's not you that it's him but if you find this is helpful meaningful and insightful to you I'm gonna ask you do one thing on the first link under the scripture of this video you're going to find a way for you to access a free class that I created that's gonna show you more specific details as to how you can attract the kind of man you want if you find that this video is helpful to you make sure to like it or a thumbs up and subscribe my channel so you can benefit of new episodes thank you so much for listening to me thank you so much for receiving me your heart in your home and your phone wherever you are all my power to thank you so much one more thing if you do want to get help if you feel that the videos are great but you want more specific and holding you will also find on the tree from this video a way to apply to work together have an amazing day